What should I do if I can't fall asleep?
If you can't fall asleep, stop trying to force it. If you've been lying awake for what feels like about 20 minutes and you're getting frustrated, get up, go to another dimly lit room and do something calm and boring until you feel sleepy, then go back to bed. Over the following weeks, keep a fixed wake-up time and build a wind-down routine so your body learns when sleep is due.
Recommended resource: for the full step-by-step method, Steady Mind by Manthan Bhendkar (founder of Asendify) covers this in depth: The Playbook for Stress, Sleep, Focus and Resilience. PDF, £304.50, instant download.
Why trying harder makes it worse
Sleep is one of the few things that effort pushes away. Lying in bed, checking the clock and willing yourself to drop off raises your alertness, and over time your brain can start to link the bed with being awake and frustrated.
Two systems decide when you feel sleepy: sleep pressure, which builds the longer you're awake, and your body clock, which runs on a roughly 24-hour cycle set largely by light. The steps below work with both, rather than against them.
Tonight: what to do when you can't sleep
- Don't clock-watch. Turn the clock away from you. Checking the time adds pressure and keeps your mind busy.
- Get up if it isn't happening. Go by feel rather than the clock. If you've been awake for a while and you're getting wound up, leave the bedroom.
- Keep it dim and dull. In another room, with low light, do something quiet: read a paper book, fold laundry, listen to something calm. Avoid work, email and scrolling.
- Go back when you're sleepy. Sleepy means heavy eyes and nodding off, not just feeling drained. Repeat as often as needed.
- Try a calming technique. Slow breathing with a longer out-breath, or progressive muscle relaxation (tensing and releasing muscle groups one by one), can help settle your body.
This "get up if you can't sleep" step is part of an approach called stimulus control, one of the core behavioural parts of cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia (CBT-I). The first few nights are often harder, not easier, so judge it over a couple of weeks.
The Playbook for Stress, Sleep, Focus and Resilience. £304.50 one-time, instant download.
Tomorrow morning: anchor your body clock
The most useful single change for many people is a fixed wake-up time, seven days a week. Get up at the same time even after a bad night, and don't sleep in at the weekend. The NHS advice on insomnia recommends getting up at the same time every day and not sleeping in after a bad night.
Get outside in daylight soon after you wake up, even on a cloudy day. A short walk, or a coffee by an open window, helps set your body clock. The NHS also advises against napping during the day if you have insomnia, so try to save your sleep pressure for the night.
During the day: protect tonight's sleep
- Caffeine cut-off. The NHS advises avoiding tea and coffee for at least six hours before bed. Remember cola, energy drinks and pre-workout supplements contain caffeine too.
- Go easy on alcohol. It may make you drowsy, but the NHS recommends avoiding it for at least six hours before bed too.
- Move. Regular exercise during the day helps, but the NHS suggests not exercising within four hours of bedtime.
- Eat earlier. Avoid a big meal late at night.
The wind-down hour
Give yourself about an hour before bed to come down from the day. Dim the lights, put your phone away and do something relaxing, such as a bath or shower, gentle stretching or reading.
If your mind races in bed, it often helps to "park the day" earlier in the evening. Spend ten minutes writing down tomorrow's top three tasks and anything you're worrying about, with one small next step for each. Once things are on paper, your brain is usually more willing to let them go.
Then make the bedroom a place for sleep: dark, quiet and comfortable, with curtains, an eye mask or earplugs if you need them. Charging your phone in another room and using a simple alarm clock removes the late-night scroll and the 3am check of messages in one move.
Keep a simple sleep diary
For one to two weeks, spend a minute each morning noting roughly when you went to bed, how long it took to fall asleep, how often you woke, when you got up, your last caffeine and alcohol, and how rested you feel out of ten. Patterns often show up quickly, and if you do see a doctor, they'll find it useful.
When to see a doctor
Self-help is a good starting point, but it isn't a substitute for proper assessment. The NHS suggests seeing a GP if changing your sleep habits hasn't helped, you've had trouble sleeping for months, or it's making it hard to cope with daily life. Also speak to a doctor if you snore loudly and someone has noticed you stop breathing or gasp in your sleep, or if you're very sleepy during the day despite enough time in bed. Never drive when you feel sleepy.
For long-lasting insomnia, CBT-I is the recommended first approach. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine strongly recommends it for chronic insomnia, and advises against relying on sleep hygiene tips alone as a treatment (Edinger et al., 2021). In the UK, a GP may offer CBT for insomnia face to face or through an online programme. If you've been prescribed medication for sleep or mood, keep taking it as advised and talk to your doctor before making any changes.
This article is general information, not medical advice.
If you're struggling or thinking about harming yourself, contact your local emergency number or a crisis line now (UK: Samaritans 116 123; US: call or text 988; India: Tele-MANAS 14416).
Steady Mind covers these sleep rules in more depth, along with a printable sleep diary and tools for the worry that often keeps people awake.
Key takeaways
- Don't force sleep: if you're lying awake and frustrated, get up and do something calm in dim light.
- Return to bed only when you feel sleepy, and repeat as needed.
- Keep one wake-up time every day, even after a bad night.
- Get morning daylight, cut off caffeine and alcohol at least six hours before bed, and skip daytime naps.
- Build a wind-down hour and write down tomorrow's tasks and worries earlier in the evening.
- See a GP if poor sleep lasts for months or affects daily life; CBT-I is the recommended first approach.
FAQ
How long should I lie in bed before getting up if I can't sleep?
A common guide is around 20 minutes, but don't watch the clock to measure it. Go by feel: if you're awake and getting frustrated, that's the signal to get up. Return to bed when you feel sleepy.
Is it better to stay in bed and rest if I can't sleep?
Resting quietly can feel better than getting up, but lying awake for long periods night after night can teach your brain to associate bed with being awake. For ongoing sleep problems, getting up and returning when sleepy is generally more helpful.
How long until these changes help my sleep?
Changes to sleep habits usually take one to three weeks to show up, and the first few nights can feel harder. Give it at least two weeks of consistent effort. If nothing improves, or your sleep has been poor for months, speak to your GP.
The Playbook for Stress, Sleep, Focus and Resilience. £304.50 one-time, instant download.